What the fuck is up,

NMVRZ ?

Since our beloved usual Pumpspray Head Writer / Editor-in-Chief Eric Harvey has been AWOLOAS (absent without leave on adult shit) such as, doing well at work and owning a home, I'll finish this run on sentence to let you know I'm filling in this week, as DWEB couldn't be bothered as he's busy applying for food stamps again. Bear with me and deal with it.

Move of the week:

Edward - adding Daniel Jones, getting much needed cheap heat from a hot team. He didn't score a ton this week but I'm firmly in the "most guys are better than Jared Goff" camp.

Dishonorable mention:

Gabe - Not a truly dishonorable move as I and most people would have done the same, but putting Chase Claypool in your WR3 or FLEX spot would have given you those pointz needed to top the red hot Biz Cazh Tank Top, aka Geoff.

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I'd add an honorable mention but there weren't many moves and I'm too lazy to dig here. I will note that Marco cucked me with the QB I traded to him after he begged. I'd def take Trevor Lawrenze over Tom "My life is falling apart" Brady at this point in the seazon...

PUMPPPP of the week:

Brandon - Joe Burrow PUMPED for 32.5 points, leading RVW to a league high 142 pointz thiz week to get tha W and remain hot. Interesting factoid from the Twittersphere: Burrow (3rd seazon) is juzt one month older than Lamar Jackzon (5th seazon).

Honorable mention:

Marco - Ja'Marr Chaze bezt non QB score thiz week with 28.7, cementing Tweb's fate of pumped out tha playoffz before the halfway mark.

Dishonorable mention:

Dweb - You really didn't play / pickup a tight end? I seem to recall some weird flex in the chat but maybe I'm hallucinating that. Or you were trying to pre-explain your loss to the RVW juggernaut. Maybe you were too busy at the Gold Club.

Thiz week itz good to be:

Marco - Trevor Lawrence looking like a good pickup, Ja'Marr Chaze living up to the hype as long as Burrow is getting it, perfect divisional record, no notes!

Honorable mention:

Brandon - It was a toss up between you and Marco, well constructed team and the weekz's high score. In good hands as long as ur boy Joe Burrow keeps showing up.

2nd honorable mention:

Geoff - Five and one is five and one baby! Mozt pointz in the league thus far, though the differential is tighter than the above two mentions. Keep on grindin' Doc!

Thiz week it sucks to be:

Tweb (Me) - What looked like a possible trap game for Marco a few days before the match turned into a pounding, due to various factors like my namesake's fucking meltdown and the Cyber Plebz simply not having enouff PUMP.

OH Boys League Thursday Night Football Sad and Pathetic Game Award goes to:

Tim and Eric - Not the funny / entertaining ones, I'm afraid. Such that Fantazy imitates life, these bros did a bang up impersonation of a TNF matchup, even though there wuz no Ruzzell Wilzon to be found. A total of seven playerz in double digitz between two teams!!. Tim ekes out a three point, 68.1 to 65.1 win despite -4.0 from his defense. Brandon would have beaten both of theze teamz combined in two on one action. Where's the fentanyl / bleach / faygo #slurpee, time to MACRODOSE SLEEP. #letmedie #antislurp

Charts n' Shit:

Standingz... err statz

If tha playoffz were to start today... and final standing projectionz.

Power Rankings as film roles played by current or former famous pro athletes

1. Biz Caj Tank Top - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnzon in Fast Five : Arguably his best performance in the best entry of the Fast series, Fast five is also probably the best entry in the series and the Rock is the biggest / best crossover success of his generation.

2. Fond o’ Napz - Ray Allen, in He Got Game : it’s tough for the best of thespians to chop it up with a legend such as Denzel, but Ray holds is own in this classic, arguably the best film from a purist’s standpoint on this list.

3. RVW - Michael Jordan, in Spaze Jam: hits the old millennial nostalgia spot, wins and scorez points. No notes.

4. LA Peazy - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Airplane! or Enter the Dragon. Take your pick of film, guy has comedic range and sick martial arts skillz.

5. Ho’ser Daddy - Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator 2: Judgement Day — Tim has been thrust into child care, much like Arnold in this iconic role.

6. Front Page Newz - Mike Tyson, The Hangover : he’s playing himself - self aware and fun throughout. Playoff potential.

7. Team Dizability - Lance Armstrong, Dodgeball : Lanze's brief pep talk to Vince Vaughn appearance in Dodgeball, really emphasizes the “cheat 2 win” mentality…#draftwizard

8. USA TCuppz Dozer - John Cena, Blockers : Not his best role, but has all around comedic chops and is never out of the running. Also stars in Bumblebee, title character performed acts the NMVRZ know about 🤐

9. Peppa Pigskins - Shaquille O'Neal, Kazaam : This team needs a wish or three right now but at least they have twice as many winz as the next three entries.

10. Cyber Plebz - Brett Farve, There’s Something About Mary : only way this team becomes interesting is if it starts popping Vicodin and sending dick pics

11. Team Harvey - Terry Bradshaw, Failure to Launch: not even Matthew McConnay could save this turd. The film’s title also refers to what happened to Eric’s team

12. SF Sheldors - Lebron Jamez, Space Jam 2: What up Bottom of the Bottomz!!? I was drunk and I went to a matinee of this movie by self #sad I walked out after 45 minutes. Nuff said.

OVERTIME