VOL. 2022, ISSUE: 11

WEEK 11

... in which the playoffz selection process becomes more clear...

... in which GABE is wrong...

... and in which ALEX learns a little bit about why we warned him to be wary of DWeb...

WEEKLY RECAP

This week:

MARCO beat ERIC

DWeb beat ALEX

TOM beat ED

RAPH beat BRANDON

GABE beat TIM

and

If you were wondering, the answer is yes, this lazy recap segment was created purely for the purpose of using that pic for that burn. Thank you TIM for providing the #MemeSource

In lieu of BRANDON enlightening us about the playoffz selection process, here is the current playoff picture:

MARCO and ANDREAS have a bye

DWeb is the remaining Division Leader

GEOFF, BRANDON, and GABE have the wildcard spots

GABE is in over TIM since GABE won their lone matchup of the season this week. TIM if you want in, that means you gotta outright beat GABE'S record since he holds the tiebreaker

Move of the week:


RAPH – benching Gould to ensure the 1.7-point victory over BRANDON


Honorable Mention

MARCO – finally using the #1 waiver spot for Christian Watson and 19.1 points. I had a claim in for him, too, so depending on what hypothetical choices I might’ve made, that’s possibly a 40 point swing if you hadn't grabbed him

Dishonorable Mention

BRANDON – Dropped Latavius Murray (15.2), and picked up and played Brian Robinson (5.7). In a game that he lost by 1.7 points

For those of you new to NTMVRZ, losing by a narrow margin is kind of BRANDON’S thing. I believe over the years, he’s had the most losses by <2-ish points of all of us, but that’s just a guess because as you should well know by now, I don’t do research for losers


PUMP of the Week:

ANDREAS –

Travis Kelce (32.5)

NE D/ST (17)

Bass (23)

The most difficult positions to get double digit points all came through for you… and you still can’t get The Elusive Nonopule-Double (TEND)

Welp, looks like we're gonna r/wallstreetbets this and call The Elusive Nonople-Double a Tendy

Anyway, despite the lack of a Tendy, you still pumped

Honorable Mention

MARCO – 22 points from a kicker, and 10 from a D/ST. Still no tendy, though


Dishonorable Mention

BRANDON – NYG D/ST – Negative 1 point. On the plus side, if you hadn’t played them, you’d’ve lost by .7, which would probably hurt even more, so in a way, they did you a favor

TIM – The Denver D/ST made you a Denver Nuh-uh-omlette for a -2 point fantasy breakfast that pumped you out of the playoffz

ERIC – Kadarius Toney – Little known fact, his last name is spelled T-0-ney.

That’s a zero instead of an “oh”. You know, because I picked him up off the waiver wire, and he scored 0 points

Maybe one of these days I’ll make a joke (along with a fantasy team) that doesn’t need explaining


This week it’s good to be:

MARCO –When much of his team had a down week, he played me, AND had his kicker score 20+, enabling him to keep his league-best record. However, it’s not only attributable to luck… He also wisely used the #1 waiver priority, and had it proven justifiable the very same week

Honorable Mention

RAPH – uuuggghhhh you fucking 4 Leaf Clover

ANDREAS – Just cruising. (FYI, that two-word sentence inspired this week’s “Power Rankings As” segment.) +1 for the Draft Wizard and a first round bye in the playoffz


This week it sucks to be:

BRANDON – oh man it sucks to be you in so many ways right now. Your kicker even scored 17, but in blew the shit winds to create a perfect shit storm and you got covered in shit by a shitnami

And not only did you lose, but DWeb took the division lead. If you had won, you and DWeb would have an even record, and you'd be the division leader since you won your head-to-head match up earlier this year, and you have more points-for than him by... holy shit lol, only 7! This creates a fun backdrop for the final week of the regular season when BRANDON and DWeb play each other

Also, 1. I hope you all know the Trailer Park Boys

And 2. I know that all the Mr. Leahy Shitisms should've been saved for use on one of ERIC, TOM, ED, or ALEX, but when you lose by less than 2, with a negative-scoring D/ST, and the winning points by an RB are on the bench with the losing ones from your waiver pickup in your lineup, well, those are the perfect conditions for a shit storm. Also, I happened to get the idea while writing the section about you, so that's the way the shit winds blow

This week it sucks to be (continued...):

Dishonorable Mention

TIM - A 5 point loss with a negative scoring D/ST, and you got pumped out of tha playoffz. But you provided a sweet pic for meme fodder, which was cool, so that makes up for it I'm sure

Charts 'N Shit

Weekly Pic of My Cat:

This week, Pixel cosplays as EDWARD, ERIC, ALEX, and TOM, looking at our teams

And also BRANDON just because that's the theme this week

OUTTAKE

Thanks again, TIM! This one was a lot of fun

PS: Andor fucking rules